Young Gladys was a silky maiden
  At thirteen, she was going strong, yeah.
  Oh, Gladys.
    Nicely filled out, fully laden,
  But down below there was something wrong, yeah.
  Oh, Gladys.
    Nobody told her about the secrets
  That ladies have to hide
  Mom had no words to describe the things
  That happened inside.
  Need someone to help me,
  I feel that there's a curse on me, oh.
    Went down into the local disco,
  For what used to be the one night, yeah,
  Oh Gladys.
    Felt a searching hand to frisk her,
  Along the legs of the water line, yeah,
  Oh Gladys.
    Now Gladys knew she was in no condition
  In no mood to play
    I cracked a knee in her soft spot, nothing
  Had got in her way.
    I want no one to touch me,
  I feel there's a curse on me, oh.
    Directed down to the local drugstore
  Got fixed up, now she's doing fine, yeah
  Oh Gladys
    Equipped with various kinds of apparatus
  You know the feminine hygiene kind, yeah
  Oh Gladys
    Must have been a man to do these things
  Who won her fall from grace
  That day he programmed me
  (That lady programmed me?)
  You should have seen the smile on his face
  He said ``You'll need someone to help you
  When you feel like cursing me'', oh.