Mom got drunk and Dad got drunk
  At our Christmas party
  We were drinkin' champagne punch
  And homemade eggnog
  Little sister brought her new boyfriend
  He was a Mexican
  We didn't know what to think of him
  'Til he sang Feliz Navidad
  Feliz Navidad
  
  Brother Ken brought his kids with him
  The three from his first wife Lynn
  And the two identical twins
  From his second wife MaryNell
  Of course he brought his new wife Kaye
  Who talks all about AA
  Chain smokin' while the stereo plays
  Noel, Noel, The first Noel
  
  Carve the turkey turn the ball game on
  Mix margaritas when the eggnog's gone
  Send somebody to the Quik-Pak store
  We need some ice and an extension cord
  A can of bean dip and some Diet Rite
  A box of tampons and some Marlboro Lights
  Hallelujah everybody say cheese
  Merry Christmas from the family
  
  Fran and Rita drove from Harlingen
  I can't remember how I'm kin to them
  But when they tried to plug their motorhome in
  They blew our Christmas lights
  Cousin David knew just what went wrong
  So we all waited on our front lawn
  He threw the breaker and the lights came on
  And we sang Silent Night
  Oh Silent Night
  
  Carve the turkey turn the ball game on
  Mix margaritas when the eggnog's gone
  Send somebody to the Quik-Pak store
  We need some ice and an extension cord
  A can of bean dip and some Diet Rite
  A box of tampons and some Marlboro Lights
  Hallelujah everybody say cheese
  Merry Christmas from the family
  
  Carve the turkey turn the ballgame on
  Make Bloody Marys cause we all want one
  Send somebody to the Stop 'n Go
  We need some celery and a can of fake snow
  A bag of lemons and some Dite Sprite
  A box of tampons and some Salem Lights
  Hallelujah everybody say cheese
  Merry Christmas from the family