I make a date for golf -
  You can bet you life it rains.
  I try to give a party -
  And the guy upstairs complains.
  I guess I'll go thru life;
  Just catchin' colds and missin' trains,
  Ev'rything happens to me.
  
  I never miss a thing -
  I've had measles and the mumps.
  And ev'ry time I play my ace -
  My partner always trumps.
  I guess I'm just a fool;
  Who never looks before he jumps,
  Ev'rything happens to me.
  
  At first my heart tho't;
  You could break this jinx for me.
  That love would turn the trick;
  To end my despair.
  But now, I just can't fool;
  This head that thinks for me.
  I've mortgaged all my castles in the air.
  
  I've telegraphed and called;
  I sent "Air Mail Special", too;
  You answer was goodbye -
  And there was even postage due.
  I fell in love just once;
  And then it had to be with you,
  Ev'rything happens to me.